More about how I dealt with depression

I shared this with an acquaintance on Tumblr, and I thought I'd share it with you:
Well, when it started I didn't do much at all and so it got worse. I started to shut out my friends and I didn't talk to anyone at all if I could avoid it. As cliche as it may sound music was great therapy to me. When I was angry I listened to angry music and when I was sad I listened to sad. I realized that the music was helping me feel like someone understood and was, in a way, pushing these hidden emotions to the surface. That was the first step. I had to confront my anger, fear, and thoughts that I kept pushed down in my heart/mind. Journaling kind of helped with that. After I got the feelings to the "surface" I thought that if music could do that, I'm sure it could help bring me back to socializing and just life in general as a "new person". So I started listening to bands like All Time Low that had songs about being happy, and putting your cares away. Just anything that had that pop punk sound that made me happy. The music reminded me that there's a whole world outside of myself that I can't let slip by, because down the road I would have missed all of this because I needed to deal with my internal issues.Also, I pray. If that's not your thing, just find a way to release these emotions outward (like journaling). It's nice to get them out, and talking helped calm me down when I was stressed. Slowly I chose friends that I could seriously talk to about this. And it's still a struggle sometimes to get out there and do things. Like tonight I'm going to this festival thing with a friend and my instinct is to stay home but I'm forcing myself to go because I need to get out of the house. I still criticize myself and kinda beat myself up, but I think about life and the darkness I was in a month ago and I decide to not dwell on that insignificant issue anymore. I also learned that dealing with a problem upfront will cause less pain emotionally down the line.

Well I kinda suck

I'm not even close to my book goal for the year. That makes me sad, and I've been neglecting this blog. That is why I suck. I do need to update you one one very important thing though. I want to let you know that I am 90% out of my depression. The reason why that 10% is still there is because I'm working on my communication skills and other areas that depression clouds. I really needed this past month to submerge myself in the things that bring me joy, help me work through pain, and relieve my stress, That was mainly music, prayer, and Tumblr. Tumblr may sound like a dumb thing to put on the list to many people, but I found out that many of mutual friends on there had gone through similar situations as I. Not depression caused by the people around me or home life, but sorrow within myself that appeared to be brought from within. It was like I had bottled up all that I desperately wanted to say and feel. Then it suddenly ripped my heart and mind to shreds. Sorry for the graphic nature of that last sentence but it's how I felt.

It's almost like I've been on Frodo's quest to destroy the Ring, and the last month was the the treacherous climb he, and Sam experienced up Mount Doom. This past week would be the equivalent to Frodo's struggle to let go of the ring (here it is if you need a refresher):

Depression has it's way of holding on to you. But I need to listen to my family, friends, and God do kick it out of my system or some bug-eyed creature (sorry Gollum) is going to try to bite my finger off!

I'll update you soon :) - Erinn xx

Here it is

      I know I haven't posted on here in a while but I have reasons, and many apologies that will suffice for my absence, As you know, I dropped out of the college scholarship program over the summer. Since then, I've been bombarded with university brochures and I'm saving them all to take a picture of at the end of my senior year. It's insanity! This post may not be the longest thing I've written, or the best explained. I thought you at least deserve to know what has been going on.

I'm still clueless as to what my future career will be, but I shouldn't have to know at a mere 17 (almost 18) years of age. I am going to travel. Work odd jobs, and find myself in the years ahead. I'm not going to university and that is the last I want to say about that whole situation.

I haven't been going to church on Wednesday night, instead I've been doing an amazing Bible study that was loaned to me by a good friend. I still attend on Sunday because that makes me happy. I wish to not have to explain myself where that situation is concerned as well.

The real reason why I haven't been updating on here is because I went through, and am currently working my way out of a battle with depression. I'm not joking around or saying I'm depressed to get attention, same as me saying I'm lactose intolerant. I love cheese and attention seeking is not what I aim for. Knock-down depressive feelings have been rummaging through my most happiest places and it really sucks. Those are mine. I wish it would flee but thoughts still linger here and there. I wasn't trying to neglect you, I decided not to share those dingy thoughts with the world. No worries, suicide never crossed my mind.

I saw people happy and wanted so much to have that happiness but couldn't find a way to experience it myself. So I drowned myself in the uplifting melodies of hopeless dreamers and people that found their way out. I feel that music has been a huge push to get me out of that state I was in. I owe a lot of thanks to my friends Angelina and Katie for showing me a flood of bands that have helped them. I really can't thank them enough for what they may have viewed as simply letting me borrow their cds. In every possible way, it was much more, so thank you.

I'm planning on making a "masterlist" of all the albums they had me listen to, and my opinions on each. That will be a process, and it might be what I do over the next month. I hope that will be enjoyable to you, and I am open for suggestions if you have any!

Again, thanks for hanging around and remember that life has so much in store for you,

Erinn xx